Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
