Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
