I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
