I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
