I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize