JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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