are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
