ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
