Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
