just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
last night I used snow as a chaser
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
