he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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