All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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