i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
