"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize