The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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