It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
