You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
