There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
