I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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