Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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