i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
