Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
