she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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