Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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