I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize