After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
