i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
