Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
