i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize