Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
