My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
