I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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