By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
