I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
