She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
