i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
