Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
