I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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