1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Randomize
