no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
