I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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