whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
