My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
