ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
