ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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