Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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