there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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