Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
