i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
