I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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