why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
