Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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