She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
