Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
