youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
