i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
