Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
