Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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