bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
