awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
