Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
