Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
