My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
