i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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