What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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