Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
