Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
