i used baking grease as lip gloss
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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