We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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