I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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