So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
