I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He did a backflip because drugs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize