if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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