Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
