He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
