Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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