You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
