We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize