Do you still have your period?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
