As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
