I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
