i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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