bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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