Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
