I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
