ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
