Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
