Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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