i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
