Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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