I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
