hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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