I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
