i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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